It's A Lot of Decisions

With a Little Help from My Friends

The visitation is tomorrow evening. To get to this point I've had to make a lot of decisions. Let me walk you through the decisions I've had to make. Luckily, I've had the help of a number of caring friends who have been with me all along.

The first big decision was:

• The Funeral Home

After Trudie died Thursday night, we had to decide on who was to pick up her body or they would have sent it to the county morgue that night. So we didn't have much time to investigate many options. The decision I made was based more upon convenient location to me than anything else.

I had asked a friend to investigate various funeral home options - thinking that we had weeks before the end. Unfortunately, the suddenness of Trudie's death caught the friend before they really had a chance to pursue many options. Luckily, our church has dealt with a number of funeral homes and had a couple of options that they suggested. We chose Roswell Funeral Home.

When I say "we" what I mean is that I decided with the help of some very close friends who flew to my side that night. They were there at the hospice in less than an hour after I called them. They have been my other half-of-a-brain through out these days.

Meetings, meetings, meetings

The next day I had to make many more decisions. The first was:

• The overall structure of the process

We decided on the night-before visitation/viewing and next-day funeral setup. I felt that the most people could be able to say goodbye to Trudie with this. The next decision was:

• Where to hold the visitation/viewing & the funeral

We decided that the v/v could be at the funeral home and the funeral it self could be at our church. Then the next big decision was:

• When to hold the visitation/viewing & the funeral

We had to coordinate with the funeral home and the church but that helped decide the dates. We also wanted to be sensitive to those who would be wanting to come from out of town.

• Funeral Home services, casket, and grave liner/vault

These were the next decisions and the most expensive. I mean really BIG BUCKS here! I didn't ask if pre-purchasing could have saved us any money but it was definitely sticker-shock to see what such services cost.

• What Song Style

The song style determined what and how many musicians needed to be lined up. This decision, too, needed to be made early. Luckily, Avery knew what were Trudie's favorite hymns and I like them too. So we went with a keyboard player / group singing leader.

• Minister

Rev. Dr. Robert Culver (AKA "Uncle" Bob) had married Trudie and me little more than 16 years ago on a chilly morning in the Smokie Mountains. He has remained a dear and precious family friend. He graciously agreed to conduct the service where we are saying our goodbyes to Trudie. Uncle Bob is the head of a ministry to international students and scholars - read all about it at www.iface.org.

• Pallbearers

I needed to decide and ask guys who would be representatives of all areas of Trudie's circles of influence. I am appreciative of the guys who have answered my call for service.

• Order of Service

This was a biggie and a tough one. Uncle Bob had a template for an order of service that he typically uses. Filling in the blanks of the template was daunting. I had to decide what hymns to sing when, ask various people to do various parts, etc.

All in all it has been a lot of work. Like I've said, I have been operating on only half-of-a-brain for at least a couple of months. Now I have even fewer brain "noodles" on-line. So my good friends that have been with me have been invaluable to me. They offered awesome advice and help during this time. I thank you every one.

Help your Heirs

Trudie and I had discussed some of the above details but not much. Most of what I have had to decide were S.W.A.G.s. My friends and I made the best guesses we could on most of the things we had to decide.

Do your heirs a favor - talk about these issues. We will all someday be as Trudie is now - dead. How can you help, today, those left behind? There are lots of questions I still didn't get around to asking Trudie. I can't ask now. You have time now to investigate these issues and to discuss these issues with your loved ones especially your spouse. Just say, "Sweetie, with Trudie's passing it has got me thinking about my own passing..." It will be hard; it will take courage; it probably won't be fun. And your spouse will love you more for initiating it.

By the way, you do have a will don't you?